On Happiness

Hap·pi·ness (noun): The state of being happy.

Synonyms: pleasure, contentment, satisfaction, cheerfulness, merriment, gaiety, joy, joyfulness, joviality, jollity, glee, delight, good spirits, lightheartedness, well-being, enjoyment.

People talk about happiness a lot. In fact, it’s even in our Declaration of Independence. The very document that declared us no longer part of the British Empire speaks of happiness. If you look on Pinterest for some inspirational mantras, happiness is all over those pretty pictures and graphics.

But, I’ve been thinking …should we really focus on happiness so much? Should we really spend our lives pursuing happiness?  What about feeling loss, grief, disappointment and anger? What about feeling courage, fear, and rage? Isn’t the combination of all of those things, with happiness, what makes us all unique? Isn’t it that combination which gives each and every one of us depth, grace and wonder? Rather than focusing on happiness, can’t we focus on completeness?

The whole point of being alive is to evolve into the complete person you were intended to be. – Oprah Winfrey 

I recently lost my dog. She was my best friend and closest confidant for the past eleven years of my life. Not waking up to her sweet, loving face every morning was devastating.  After she passed, one of the more interesting parts of this whole experience for me was people’s reaction to my grief and sadness. I even had one friend tell me to just “be happy” and that everything would be ok. While that person had no ill will or any intentions of making me feel bad, it maddened me. I thought to myself, “Well, of course I want to be happy. But, I feel sad. Does that make me a negative person?” My emotions soon began to include negative feelings about myself – “Maybe she is right? I should just be happy. I have a lot of other things to be thankful for. There must be something wrong with me.”

And let me tell you…that’s one dangerous path to walk down.

I think if we continue to perpetuate a singular focus on happiness we will deprive ourselves of emotional and spiritual growth. Instead, if we focus on completeness, we will in the end achieve happiness through a more authentic and natural experience.  That realization lifted a majorly-heavy invisible weight of my shoulders. 

What a relief.

xxM